Added: Charls Fant - Date: 10.07.2021 19:17 - Views: 32117 - Clicks: 1422
What's it like when you find your own body more of a turn-on than your partner's? Running my hands over my curves, my nipples and my soft skin gives me a thrill unlike anything else.
I never thought there was anything weird or unusual about it, until I casually mentioned it to my friends when I was We grew up together and are still really tight. We often chat about our sexual experiences, so when I told them, I was expecting them to feel the same as I did, and to understand what I meant. But none of them got it. Instead, they found what I was saying funny and kept making jokes about me being self-obsessed. I laughed along with them, but inside I was wondering what was wrong with me. He used it specifically to refer to people who have trouble getting turned on by someone else sexually.
Michael Aaron, author of Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex And Relationships, told Refinery29 that feeling turned on by yourself is quite common: "Some experience it more like an orientation, in that they feel more aroused by themselves than by others, and they me playing with myself called autosexuals.
Over the years, some people have tried, unsuccessfully, to reason me out of feeling this way. While Narcissistic Personality Disorder NPD is a diagnosable disorder with symptoms including an inflated sense of self, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy - autosexuality is different. Dr McGowan explains: "Autosexuals are more comfortable sexually when in their own company, while narcissists crave attention.
Autosexuality is also not likely to be associated with a lack of empathy or desire to give others pleasure — sexually or otherwise — but rather a preference towards a private and personal sexual experience. I conjure up memories of myself lying naked on the beach, or remember a time when I touched myself in the bath while my housemates were downstairs. As with other sexualities, there is a spectrum of autosexuality.
It's thought by some experts that if - like me - you think about yourself when you masturbate, or have even fantasised about having sex with yourself, you could be a full-blown autosexual. If, however, you just get a bit aroused by the sight of yourself having sex or posing in lingerie, you're probably not autosexual in the strictest sense. For me, it goes beyond masturbation. Some autosexuals are also autoromantics which means they like the idea of dating themselves too. One woman, Ghia Vitale, has written about being in a relationship with herself.
Something as simple as lotioning my body can turn into a sensual, sexual moment, sometimes voluntarily and other times on its own. I can relate to some of what Ghia is saying, and I do have an amazing sex life alone. And I also know that it can be just as fun with the right person who understands my needs. I personally love the idea of getting married and having a family one day.
After that first aborted attempt to explain it to my friends, I struggled with feelings of shame around it. Once, I was with an ex and we were having sex next to a big mirror. I kept looking at myself in the mirror instead of at him. Even though he had an amazing body, my pale, skinny frame was just much more of a turn on for me.
Another guy I was dating seemed to take it a bit better and said he saw it as a I had healthy self-esteem. He made my autosexuality part of our sex life — he liked watching me playing with myself turn myself on, and it helped me stop feeling so ashamed. We even used to joke about how I fancied myself more than I did him. While I've learnt to embrace being an autosexual there are still times when I wish I was 'normal'. It's frustrating when your friends can't relate to what you're going through, and sometimes when I'm with a boyfriend, I feel bad that I'm getting a different kind of pleasure from our intimacy than he is.
In those moments, I wish I could just put autosexuality on pause, and explore a more 'regular' sexuality. But then I remember that nothing is 'normal' with sexuality and we're all different. People are queer, bisexual, asexual I hope that one day, autosexuality is more widely understood because I'd love to be able to tell my family about it. Right now, they just wouldn't get it. I once tried to describe it to my mum but she looked freaked out, so I stopped.
I recently met a female autosexual online and confessed I might be one as well. It felt so good to have the response be mutual understanding, rather than laughter or awkwardness. If me playing with myself chance came to be involved with another autosexual it could be amazing. It would mean I'd have a truly equal relationship for the first time in my life, where we'd both feel the exact same way about our sexualities.
I just have no idea how to find someone though - it's not exactly the kind of box you can tick on a dating app. At least, not yet. Coercive control: 'I was 16 and thought it was normal'. Non-surgical beauty treatments: Undercover on a facelift training course. Apetamin: Regulator investigating 'slim thick' drug after BBC investigation.
Writer wishes to remain anonymous 20 May Share this:. Copy this link. Contains adult themes.
BBC Three. As told to Radhika Sanghani.
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